Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Interesting comment by Seth...I agree we drop clues about ourselves all the time. I remember someone saying once that we as people aren't as private and reclusive as we think, in fact we kind of leak. So, yes, I see that in a way we have already negotiated sexuality with each other. In every conversation we have passed clues back and forth. It is exactly those cues you speak of that identify us as we talk or even as we are silent. Perhaps this is how we find friends...or acquaintances with whom we are comfortable, by finding ways not to be silent with each other, to find ways to share our days and the emotions found therein. I have often thought that what is so difficult for us is the commonplace stuff. How hard to not be able to walk hand in hand with the one we love or to share the joy of it.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Befriending gay neighbours

I am participating in the “Bridging the Gap Synchroblog” with a link to: My post today is part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers all sharing their thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’. You can check out the other links at:

My neighbours are interesting but somewhat remote from me. I think one is an alcoholic. Another is a retired flight steward who lives quietly with his wife of many years. Another is married with small children. Another is an older woman with family whose husband died and left her comfortable but alone in her home. Another is kind and generous, a person who would gladly be involved in our daily life but who has chosen not to intrude in it.

Some of them I know by name. I know something about many of them. None of them are known to me by their sexuality or gender or their sexual preferences. They are my neighbours, not my gay neighbours, not my straight neighbours, just my neighbours.

We have not yet gotten close enough to discuss each others gender or sexual orientation or attractions. That might change, I may have the opportunity to discuss these things with them. Many of them may be same gender attracted, or maybe not. They are still my neighbours and they would remain my neighbours no matter what the outcome of those discussions would be. I would like to think that if the opportunity ever arose that we would be able to talk with each other as people first, with interests and viewpoints which help us understand life better, rather than as people whose sole interests revolve around our sexual beings or our genders with various attractions. On the other hand there is nothing like adding spice to a meal to make it interesting....and so it is with sexual or gender differences.

But since the topic of gender is on the table....There is a question which I would like to discuss with anyone who cares to...that question is, "what makes a man a man?" I have, I confess, a difficult time answering this question. For those of us who identify as men, whether we are physically male or female, whether we are attracted to members of the same gender or the opposite, I would like to know what you think. If you don't identify as a man then I'de still like to understand what you understand a man to be....